But there was a time way back many years ago in the military, dont laugh

But I never showed up, I sat on my ass and watched porn with my brother

It was brotherly love, with a common cause and besides that he was a Republican

 

We used to say that our views were like Forrest Gump, three times junior the IQ of Democrats

And we would bond in the face of opression from protesters and the Dems

but I knew there was a problem, every time we stepped out of the limo everyone would egg us

That made it difficult to contain dairy allergies, not to mention keeping suits clean

 

So I found Cheney in the arms of an American Association Of Retired Persons

And we discussed hegemony, then he turned to me and said

 

"Well, I guess we could try our best to win."

 

And I said "No, lets rig the election, you stupid alcoholic"

 

And another thing, make sure to email Katherine Harris and ask to have Florida

It's only blacks and besides, it won't be the first time they were turned away.

 

And I still wiretap citizens, urging them not to see Brokeback Mountain

And I should know, because I paid my $8.50 just to see two cowboys kiss on a Texas ranch

 

And my country can't say I rigged it all, because of the death penalty.

And don't forget the mafia.